Azumanga Western Style
by RyuuRanger
Summary: This is a parody of the Old West starring the main cast of Azumanga Daioh.
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Azumanga Daioh.

A long time ago in the Old West, there was a outlaw by the name of Yukari the Kid. She always got everything she wanted, even if she had to resort to shooting the daylights out of people.

She rode into town with her black horse, Black Thunder. Yukari tipped her hat and dismounted from her horse.

She strode inside the saloon and walked to the bartender. "Barkeep, Gimme a beer." She sneered at the bespectaled bartender. "Mm-hmm." She grabbed a glass and poured the beer through a tap and handed it to her.

Yukari grabbed her beer and gulped it down. "Gimme another." Suddenly, Osaka walked onto the stage and began to sing.

Yukari looked at her and grinned. "Hey, Barkeep? Who's the little lady?" She asked. "Name's Osaka. She's one of our best singers." Yomi handed her another beer. Yukari gulped it down and walked towards her.

Osaka finished her song and bowed to the audience. "Thank you! Thank you!" She smiled and giggled.

Suddenly, in a flash, Yukari bolted up from her seat and grabbed Osaka. "Nobody move! If one of you yellow-bellied hound-dogs even get the idea of saving her, you'll be lying down with a lead bullet in your chest." With that, Yukari laughed and ran out of the saloon; Osaka screaming for help.

Meanwhile, one of the saloon girls named Chiyo, ran to the sheriff's office and banged on the door.

"SHERIFF! SOMETHING'S BAD HAPPENED!" She screamed out.

Sheriff Tomo was sleeping her butt off while Deputy Minamo was working on the paperwork. "Nyamo, get that, will ya?" Tomo mumbled. "Don't call me that!" Minamo cried out as she got up and opened the door.

"Sheriff! Osaka's been kidnapped!" Chiyo sobbed through her tears.

"Who did it?" Minamo asked. "It was Yukari the Kid!" Tomo rose up. "Yukari the Kid?!" She dove under the desk in fear.

"Sheriff! Where's your sense of justice?" Minamo scolded her. "But...But... It's Yukari the Kid! The baddest of the bad! I heard she crawled out from under a rock and was raised by coyotes!" Tomo whimpered in fear.

"You'd rather let Osaka be subjected to Yukari's advances?" Minamo asked. Tomo felt ashamed of herself and got under from the desk and stood up.

"You're right, Deputy. Let be known that a Takino has never ran away from evil. I'll catch her without fail!" With that, Tomo shot her gun up towards the ceiling and a lamp fell onto her head. "Grandad, you ran over another rock again..." She fell onto the floor, dazed.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Azumanga Daioh.

"Help me!!" Osaka screamed out the window as she struggled against her ropes. "No use yelling, pretty thing. You might as well sit back and enjoy it." Yukari laughed as she sat down and placed her gun on the table, looking dead at the pretty songbird.

"You're so mean!" The brown-eyed girl sniffed, her eyes glassy with tears. "How can you be so mean and ornery?" Yukari sighed and lifted the brim of her hat.

"Well, little girl, It all started when my man left me for another woman, and I couldn't have that. So I decided if I didn't get him, no one would." Yukari strummed her fingers on the table. "And then I got addicted to killing and robbing soon after." She chuckled evilly.

Osaka sniffed and shivered. "Don't worry, I'll won't hurt you; In fact, I'll hold you for ransom." Yukari laughed evilly as Osaka whimpered in fear.

Meanwhile, Tomo and Minamo were riding out into the desert, hoping to find Yukari's hidey hole. " Hey, Nyamo? What do you think Yukari looks like? Is she ugly? Or crazy? Or just plain weird?" The sheriff asked her deputy. "I reckon with the way she lives, she must be a dirty-faced varmint." Minamo sighed. "And don't call me Nyamo!" Soon, night set in the desert.

The two stopped and set up a campfire. "This is a mighty good fire," Tomo sighed. "And just the right fire to warm my feet." "Sheriff, someone's coming towards us." The duo looked at a young girl in a pink dress riding towards them. "Oh, hello there! I was wandering around and just happened to notice your campfire." "What's your name, stranger?" Tomo asked.

"My name is Kaorin and you two are the prettiest ladies I ever did set my eyes on." She winked at them. Minamo shivered suddenly. "What brings you here?" She asked.

Kaorin smiled. "I was just looking for this beautiful girl..." She held up a warrant poster with a girl's face on it. "Eagle-Eye Sakaki, the woman I'm destined to marry...!" Kaorin sighed in bliss. The duo widened their eyes.

"Eagle-Eye" Sakaki was wanted in six counties and her bounty was $20,000! The two looked at the lovesick girl, then to each other.

"Stranger, what coffee would you like?" Tomo hestiantly asked. "Oh, just decaf for little ol' me." The two looked at each other, then back to Kaorin. "You know, stranger? I think it would be best for all of us if you just rode on tonight." Tomo advised. Kaorin frowned and huffed. "Fine! You two smell like horses and dirt anyway! Hmph!" With that, she sped off.

"She was riding a side saddle, wasn't she?" Minamo blinked. "Well, Deputy, I reckon that's why they call them strangers." Tomo sighed and lay down to sleep. Minamo shrugged and did the same.

Soon, a new day would dawn and the duo would be closer to nabbing Yukari the Kid.

TBC.


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own Azumanga Daioh. And I'm sorry for not updating this story.

Yukari grinned as she gripped her guns that were in their holsters. "If they dare come to take my pretty away, I'mma shoot them dead." She grinned evilly.

Osaka whimpered as she tried to sneak out the back door. "Don't even think about it, missy!" Yukari's voice rang out through the house. She quickly went back to her room.

Meanwhile, Tomo and Minamo were at the town of Dry Gulch. "Well, Deputy, I reckon this is where Yukari the Kid is at," The sheriff tipped her hat.

"You think she might be at that saloon over there?" Minamo pointed to the building where loud gunshots and wild screams rang out.

"Oh, good lordy, no!" Tomo yelped. "She couldn't be in there!" Her knees were shaking and knocking against each other in fear.

"But Sheriff, maybe one of them knows where she is." Minamo insisted.

"Fine, Nyamo. Let's go take a look." Tomo sighed, defeated.

"Don't call me that!" Minamo scolded.

Sheriff Yomi was sitting on a barstool with a deadpan face as she watched the bar brawl that was taking place.

"I'M GUNNA GUT YOU UP AND PUT YOUR BEEHIND ON MY TROPHY WALL!"

"LIKE HECK YOU ARE, YOU TUMBLEWEED EATIN' VARMINT!"

She yawned as the two cowboys shot at each other. It was business as usual in Dry Gulch.

Suddenly, she saw Tomo enter the saloon with a determined look in her eyes. "ALRIGHT, YOU DIRTY, NO-GOOD, SONS-OF-COYOTES! STICK YER HANDS IN THE AIR AND NOBODY, AND I MEAN, NOBODY GETS SHOT!"

"This is not what I had in mind, Sheriff." Minamo sighed.

"Excuse me," Yomi got up from her stool and walked over to the pint-sized sheriff. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm keeping the peace! I'm Sheriff Tomo!" She eyed Yomi's badge on her vest. "And it's nice to see a fellow sheriff in this town!" Tomo extended her hand out.

Yomi glared at her. "Do you realize that you're ruining the only entertainment I have in this god-forsaken hell-hole?"

"Excuse me. This is a family-friendly fanfic." Minamo scolded. "No cursing allowed."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Yomi sarcastically spat out. "I mean, HECK-hole."

"What do you mean?" Tomo looked confused. "Aren't you supposed to keep the peace?"

"Peace? You mean to go around all day, walking around in this boring-ass town and do nothing but go on our daily lives?"

"YEAH!" Tomo shouted.

"Forget that." Yomi shook her head. "Now get out of here. I'm busy."

"But what about Yukari the Kid?"

At the mention of her name, everyone screamed and ran around the saloon in a frenzied panic.

"LAND SAKES!"

"NOT THE KID!"

"SOMEONE SAVE US!"

"I CAN'T FIND MY PANTALOONS!"

Yomi pulled out her pistol and shot into the air. "EVERYONE, SHUT UP!" She glared at everyone with a cold look.

Then she turned to Tomo. "I don't know who that person is and if you ever say that name again, I'll shoot you in the… rump."

CRAAASH!

"OOF!" Tomo landed face-first on the ground. "My behind hurts like a-"

WHUMP!

"Ooh…" Minamo groaned as she sat unknowingly on her sheriff. "Man, that girl is strong..!"

"Deputee…" Tomo said, muffled. "GEFF OFF MEE!"

"Oh, sorry, Sheriff!" Minamo quickly got off and brushed off her clothes. Tomo stood up and grumbled in anger. "Well, that was a waste of time! Who's gonna lead us to Yukari now?"

"I know where she lives," A soft yet deep female voice answered.

Tomo and Minamo turned around and stared in shock. "You're… You're…!"

Who is it? Who is the mysterious stranger girl? Find out next time!


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Azumanga Daioh.

Tomo and Minamo approached Yukari the Kid's cabin. "Are you sure about this, Sheriff?"

"I'm damn sure! This is it!" Tomo pulled out her gun and took a deep breath. "HEY, YUKARI, YOU FAT TUB OF LARD! COME OUT OR I'LL BLOW YOUR BRAINS OUT!"

Gunfire erupted from the window as the duo ducked behind some rocks.

"Nice one, Sheriff." Minamo growled.

"Shut up! This is all that Kagura woman's fault!" Tomo hissed in anger.

_Flashback_

_"I know where she lives." A tall and dark girl wearing cowboy attire smirked. "But it'll cost ya."_

_"If you know where she lives, then tell us!" Minamo protested. _

_"Shush, Nyamo!" Tomo hissed._

_"Don't call me-" Minamo's protest was cut off by Tomo placing a hand over her mouth. "What's the price?"_

_"You tell me where Sakaki is, and I'll show you where you can find Yukari the Kid."_

_"Deal!"_

_End Flashback_

"Remind me to never listen to her ever again!" Tomo groaned.

"GIVE IT UP, YOU VARMINTS!" Yukari's voice rang out. "I'M NEVER GIVING HER UP FOR NO ONE! Y'ALL HEAR ME?"

"JUSTICE WILL ALWAYS WIN IN THE END, KID!" Tomo shouted back. "AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!"

Tomo's hat flew off of her head as Yukari pulled her shotgun back. "You were sayin'?"

"EEK!" Tomo ran under a large rock and hid herself.

"Sheriff!" Minamo crawled in after and began to drag her out. "We can't just give up!"

"Then you go and save her!" Tomo protested.

"No, you're the sheriff!"

"Nuh-uh!" Tomo placed the star on Minamo's vest. "YOU'RE the Sheriff!"

"No, YOU ARE!"

"NUH-UH, YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YOU ARE!"

Yukari watched the quarreling duo with interest as she scratched her head. "What the heck is goin' on?"

WHAM!

Osaka knocked Yukari out from behind with a large vase. "For goodness' sake!" She stormed outside and walked right up towards the arguing duo.

"YOU!"

"NO, YOU!"

"NO! YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"NO! YOU!"

"NO, YOU!"

**"QUIET!"** Osaka screamed at the top of her lungs as she glared at the duo. "I've been waiting here for almost TWO days and you two took yer sweet time in rescuing me! Good lord, you call yourselves lawmen? For shame! HMPH!" She stormed right past them and hopped on a horse and ran off.

"Sheriff, wasn't that Osaka?"

"Yes, Deputy, I believe it was."

The duo sat there for a long, long time...

Meanwhile...

"Yahoo!" Kagura was riding alongside Sakaki as they carried large bags of money on their backs. "That was one hell of a train robbery!"

"This is a family-friendly fanfic, Kagura."

"Shoot, Sorry about that. Anyways, let's go find another train to rob! YAHOO!" The duo rode off into the sunset, hollering and shooting into the air.

The end.


End file.
